Look into my eyes...

Look into my eyes....
Current mood: betrayed
Category: lost Life

for what am i so torn?
i have naught to be torn about...
my neck hurts and my eyes burn... my heart pounds constantly with its ever steady rhythm...
my soul aches...

i have so much within me to say...

but no words with which to express them...

i am so... liquid... viscous... inconsistent...
I practice hypocracy... unintentionally... but even so.

what masquerade do i claim ownership to? none! yet i am so devoted... so loyal as to maintaining my idiosyncratic likeness, but even paronomasias cannot define my reasoning.

i know not why i am what i am...


The fact the i am so different in reality from what i portray here in this cyberland causes many of you to believe me a hypocrite... some dub me emo, others 'wanna-be-emo'.

Hear me on this, i am not a 'wanna-be-emo'. i don't label myself. if slapping a tag on me satisfies your cravings go ahead. you call me a mask-wearer, BUT KNOW THIS:

the "mask" you see here... the "mask" you see on myspace, on the internet, this isn't a mask... this is RC unveiled... the "unmasked" me you see everyday... he is the mask-wearer... he hides behind his humor, his coarse jokes.


you see me at school, you see me at the mall, you see me here you see me there, you see me "happy"... you see me laughing...


have you EVER once looked me in the eye? i bet my life on it that if you were brave enough to stare me in the eyes... that YOU were the one who broke eye contact...


no one looks beyond the cover...

yes dont label a book by its cover... but you may look inside, you may see the 'foreward', or a summary of the book... but you can't label the book by those either... just because you think you've o' so brilliantly took heed to the maxim by looking inside, dont think that the FIRST THING YOU SEE IS WHAT IS THERE... i'll hvae you know ITS NOT...


people constantly say to me on myspace, 'wow you arent this emo in real life! haha jk jk'...


HAHA?

JK?
JK?

WHAT?

why do you laugh at me?!

in real life, i lie to you.



in real life i disguise myself... you may not understand, but willingly opening myself up to you is sooooo dangerous...


i'll try to make this as monosyllabic as possible:


what you see of me in person isn't really me. what you read and see and hear of me on the internet isn't me either... but it's CLOSER to me than the bs mask you see in person...


no one ever looks me straight in the eyes... if they do its rarely a second...


why? i don't know...

is it because you are afraid? do i scare you?

take what you will from this...

but i ask you now...


take time to look me deep in the eyes...

dont make a deal out of it... dont tell me you are...

just look deep in my blue eyes...

and tell me...

what do you see?













loss... longing... temporary satisfaction maybe at times... anger... starvation... a moribund soul... a lie?

i gurantee to you that even those of you who think you know me...


YOU DON'T.


my closest friends...


i love you people,


but, you miss the point...


even when i open up to you there is so much i hide... so much you dont see... so much you cant tell...

i'm screaming for something...


but sometimes for your sake knowing nothing is better than knowing it all...












just remember that...


next time you see me...




stare into my eyes... if i see you, i'll stare back...





look beyond the happy little son of a preacher you think i am...





what do you see?